When someone tells you they bought their fantastic technic tool just for themselves, because they wanted something for themselves and nobody is allowed to touch it apart from themselves...


...and then goes and lets their brother play around with it!?



When someone says they're interested in what you have to say or what you show them (online for example) but when you actually say somehing or show something to them just says 'Hm' and walks away...


...but has hour-long conversations with their brother about everything and nothing?????!


I dunno what to do?! :'(

Just had an argument with my bby. He came home for Lunch and said he didn't feel right. I was about to make a salad. I asked him if he wanted a tea (my special tea which he always refuses) and he said that he decided to have nothing and that he wants to try this way to get rid of the bug he might have in his stomach. Sounds to me like refusing to eat (which would be ok, although I said it would be ok if he at least had a piece of bread with nothing on it) and drink (which is not ok, especially when he's got a bug)
Well, in the end he just claimed I always wanna be right, I'm attacking him and my way of caring about him being ill is the wrong way. Oh and apparently I am very hard work.

:'( Thank you.

Let me tell you this. Whenever I feel horrible and ill he doesn't do or say anything apart from "Hm" or "Oh, poor bby." That's it. No "Would you like this? or so... :(

If you read this bby (which you will not cos you're not interested): I did not have the hump until you said I'm hard work. Yes,it upset me that AGAIN you refused my help but did not attack you or try to be right. It's just that I know a few things that help when you're feeling ill/sick. So, saying I dunno what I'm talking about and not caring about you is just not fair.

Apart from that: I need a job!

ARGH!!!!

One reason why I didn't start watching LOST was that the TV channels and the magazines were constantly advertising it (e.g. Moderators were wearing T-Shirts saying "LOST - 5 days to go" "...4 days" etc..<_<)

(Apart from that, it didn't "grab" me...and I still think it's one of the lamest and most boring shows I've ever seen, but that's "just" me... V_V)

But: NOW they're doing it again. You can't open a newspaper without encountering a big

LOST (<-- click, this one but without the people)... or FOUND (cos it's now over on Sky 1)O_o

I sit on the train, every minutes a big sign saying LOST or FOUND..sometimes next to each other. >_<

And again the newspapers: they seem to have made it their aim to interview every single person of the cast or what? Asking everybody the same questions that none wants/can (to) answer. Argh. AND: LondonLITE and LONDONPAPER both have an ad disguised as an article as their front page (plus the inside) (back page is...again... LOST (or FOUND) and in the middle, a two page LOST (or FOUND) and somewhere hiding in the papers are more interviews and articles.

Really, seriously, stop it please. If this show is really that good as you think it is, it doesn't need this horrible in-your-face campaign. >_<

Don't make me hate it more. If all goes wrong I might spend my sunday evenings alone for the next six weeks cos bf and his brother are off to find a TV with Sky 1... *sigh*

O_o :(

.....

so..feeling a bit better now..although the bf doesn't understand what my problem is and he says I should just "chill out"..yeah..fine for him..he doesn't care about anything so he's fine..pah.

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Oh, I just wanted to make it really sure: I hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate LOST... There're many reasons why I do...

Uhm, does anybody read my Blog? If yes, please say Hello!

Okay..most of you have heard it already but since this is the diary - here it is again:

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So...anyone remember that I mentioned that I found a job? Nothing major but still..it gets me some money..

Well, yesterday I was told that they can't keep me and the reason is: "You're amazing at the till and all the technical and practical stuff but unfortunately you lack customer skills" I was like o_o >:-( I so DON'T lack customer skills..I know I am good..customers like me and I'm always doing a good job. What I said was: Hm..yeah..I was a bit unsure about how everything works, first job in England and all..blah.
Then she said they noticed that I'm not really talking to them (colleagues), avoiding them almost. And they're right...kind of. When you arrive at work and your colleague says: "Hi, how are you today?" but with this >:-( or this <_< expression..I doubt you're happy to talk to them. Well, there where two girls I liked (one i met today, my last day) they made it easy for me to drop my shyness. They just talked to me, asked me things all that.

Then the Shop Manager. I met her at the interview, then she went on a two weeks holiday. I worked with her on Thursday which is the only day I worked with her. She wasn't even the one telling me to go. She let her assistant do it and called in sick. Well, a few (3) people (Managers from other branches and/from Head Office) came to her and said: Look, that girl needs to smile more, needs to do this and that and this and that...They met me like once, and for only 5-10 minutes. Phew

Bottom line of everything is: It's not my personality that's the problem, but I need to exaggerate, over-do it, fake myself.

Sorry, can't do that. I am what I am..I do smile, I am friendly to the customers and I was trying hard to get along with the colleagues but I need time to open up and be "friends" with people. If you don't have time to let me get "into it all" then you're not worth it. And for no job in the world I'm faking myself!

Sry, I'm probably not making much sense..I just wanted to talk about it cos I find it so ridiculous and I am also so angry. Especially since all the stuff that I did wrong..they're doing too, like: standing behind the counter (= being available/approachable), not enough sampling" (giving free IceTea samples), not saying "Hello" enough..all this..pah! Boh.
>:-( So you're saying I'm good enough for a supermarket but not for fancy great company? Argh.

Sry again. v_v

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Attention! Attention! A fire alarm has been raised and the fire brigade has been called. Leave the building immidiately and go to your assembly points. Do not use the lifts! Do NOT use the lifts!

ARGH! Someone ran a bath..and it was too hot so the fire alarm went off.. O_O

Edit: This speech is now on for about 20 or even 30 minutes... ARGH!!!!

...I can hear seagulls scream...

I'm thinking of making a new website. I know what I want it to look like (sort of) and I know what I wanna write about..but I dunno how to do it. Help.

I dunno, where is it coming from that sadness? Shouldn't everything be just perfect? I'd say so, yes. But it's not. The days are sunny but inside me's just clouds and too many hormones. I'm actually starting to be annoyed by myself and me being like that. Like what? Well, lonely, awaiting, bitching, hoping, jealous...all that and probably more.

I'm not used to anthing at the moment..be it the money, the living situation, the fact that I won't have to go home today (or next week etc), the cars driving on the other side, the much bigger city, the longer walks or that someone has changed...and not just physical appearance...

I guess I'll just have to live with all these facts..no other option given.. I could talk but that would just end in something worse than that.

Btw. why am I jealous? Because I can't share the same moment..but I want to. I do know that I can't share everything, that we can't be together 24/7...but some things just feel too important to me..(how can I explain that?)..

Rewind.

People scare me. Not scare as in I fear they might hurt me but scare as in: I'm uncomfortable around them...especially large groups and people I don't know.

I knew it before but the following really made it clear.
I went to a bar with my friend Zara who wanted to meet some of her friends there. I stayed for over 4 hours but apart from hello, bye and some smiling I didn't talk to them at all. :( What's wrong with me?.. They've been really nice actually, talking to me "through" Zara..it was really funny, but as soon as Zara went to see her bf or to the bathroom I was stuck, couldn't think of anything to say or couldn't even look at them.

There's another guy who was obviously really drunk. He wanted me to dance with him. I said no cos I don't dance in front of other people (I did on 2 or 3 occasions but I dunno..it was a different scene, music and different people)...He didn't stop asking, even grabbed me by the hips (it didn't hurt but drunken* people are weird)..he was nice..not demanding but still..I felt horrible and nobody said anything. Hello? In the end, when I said bye to go home he said he had no idea in what state he'd leave the bar so he wanted a hug..I gave him one..really quick..he almost fell over when I pulled back..

I'm so not social-able... (I guess I just made that word up..maybe not) At least I'm not alone... V_V

sry.