Hm..I don't really know what to write. At the moment I'm about to be absolutely lost. College has turned into HELL and since it's the main thing in my life at the moment it's able to destroy me. Not only me. My friends feel the same. We dunno how to keep our heads up, we dunno how to keep calm and sane until May. It seems so far away.

I try to tell myself that it's close..that it's almost over...
3 months.

*sigh*

At least another "problem" has been solved.

1 month. *sigh.again*

..



What do we expect?
What do we want from it...and what not?
What will it bring?

What about the old year?
What did we expect? Little
What did we want from it? Alot
What did it bring? Everything.

We met old friends, new enemies; found a new love and almost lost it...twice; we had dreams, some came true, some didn't; discovered new bands, new films, new worlds...

We cried our souls out, laughed ourselves to pieces; we've been loud and silent, big and small, healthy and sick, funny and boring, smart and blank, loved and hated, rich and poor, happy and sad.....

This year will bring us the same, probably. Almost definitely.
Some people will stay blank, some will scare you with their cleverness.
Some will make more money, some won't.
Some will have a family, some will stay alone.
Some will be loved forever, some people we hate a bit more.

Whatever it is....just try to stay alive....

Love, Nev

Waiting is the curse of my life. I do believe that.

(Without trying to copy the Devlins...)

Waiting for the next day
waiting for a good day
waiting for that special day
waiting for the better days
waiting for another day
waiting for yesterday
waiting for tomorrow
waiting for a phonecall
waiting for a postcard
waiting for the year to end
waiting for the better end
waiting for the waiting to be over
at last.

1. anxiety
2. stubbornness

...to be continued.

Something has changed. I don´t know what it is. I don´t know what happened. I just hope that it´s only "temporary".

E-mails are wrong. They are okay when you need to send some "Hullos". I can´t recommend them for transferring a feeling.
Don´t do it. Don´t try it. Sometimes it works..but one word can destroy it all. Because you can´t see and you can´t sense and you can´t know. You just read letters that form a sentence. And if that sentence makes you feel bad then you are. Imagine it wasn´t meant to make you feel bad. Your feeling won´t go away until another day. Explanation doesn´t work. Saying excuses and sorry doesn´t work. A hug, a kss and the simple presence would be able to make it better but they won´t happen just now. Waiting.
Even worse when you are incapable of sorrys and excuses, when your inner voice keeps you from "just forgetting about it". Inner turmoil.
Everything that follows feels wrong. Feels fake. You don´t want it. I don´t.

Someone make it better please. Make me better.

Alright..this will be the start of a list of words that I hated the most in 2005...(no particular order here).

1. Hometime
2. waiting
3. next (in combination with the following)
4. year
5. leaving

Will be continued....

Feel free to add words if you like.